to soul places

Dear friends,

Last Saturday, I went to EDSA shrine with a friend, hoping there might be some people there who, like me, might just be waiting for something to click — something that will finally set us free from GMA’s tyrannical, godless grip. Alas, the only mass of people there were the cops in blue, there precisely to prevent people from collectively commemorating one of the most beautiful and proud moments in our nation’s history.

But then again, this is only one of the many ironies that surround these recent developments. And neither is it the most tragic…

I sit here in our office, my mind split between the tasks that I need to get done for work and everything else. I try to figure out what I can do right here, right now. So, I forward to friends the information I receive, ever mindful that the piece may just be propaganda or even a hoax, or that these may be unwanted data being automatically deleted in their inboxes. But I send them out anyway, confident that my friends will know to be discerning and/or forgiving, and that information after all, is still information.

A huge part of me is just waiting for that signal that will get my feet marching to EDSA or Ayala, or to wherever they may be called. And yet, there is a nagging voice that keeps my butt here, refusing to take allegiance with the likes of the Marcoses or the Erap restorationists. I know we have a common enemy in GMA, but then, I think, she is not the only common enemy. That’s why I am trying to be a bit more careful, because as volatile as the situation is, I fear that it is all a matter of being in the right place at the right time. And if the wrong people are at the right place at the right time if and when things finally come to a head, that voice tells me, then all would be for naught.

But as GMA’s assault on everything I know to be right and just and essential in a free society continues, that voice gets weaker and weaker by the minute. I also realize that while I cannot shake the fear of having that power fall into the wrong hands, neither can I let it paralyze me into doing nothing. Just last week I watched Cinderella Man on video and in it, Jim Braddock says “I have to believe that I have a say in our future…” or something like that. I can’t recall the exact quote, but that is how I feel: I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT I HAVE A SAY IN OUR FUTURE.

As so, in spite of the fact that I am (whether by will or circumstance) still stuck in the office right now, I’ve decided that there is something I can do.

In this vein, I have written something that I intend to send our local officials who continue to back GMA. Actually I am still trying to figure out how to get their email addresses, but just the same, I feel that it’s about time that I give these people a piece of my mind. It’s short and sweet (well, maybe not so sweet) and I hope it gets the message across. After all, I am a constituent and I will no longer let them misrepresent me. I’ve attached the piece below and if you feel the same way, feel free to send it to your own officials. You may also want to send it out to friends and whomever else you think might want to do the same. Edit it if you like, or just do your own thing. What matters is that something gets done.

Another thing I know I can do is to make this plea: Because now, more than ever, we need leadership and community, I call on anyone and everyone who, like me, is aching for an honest, pro-people government. But because I feel this on a very personal level, I look more urgently to the people I know and trust. I look to my high school batchmates; to those people I’ve worked with in government and without on various development projects; to my friends in media; to those faceless people in the various mailing lists whom I’ve come to know share these common ideals. I look to my relatives and friends, including those who have left the country in pursuit of opportunities but nevertheless keep the Philippines in their hearts. I look to the lawyers I know are proving that the profession I am attempting to join is not as evil as some people take it to be. Especially, I look to my fellow students at the University of the Philippines. I have faith that even if it is getting less and less obvious, we have not lost our soul and true identity as “mga iskolar ng bayan.” We owe it to self and country to care and try to make a difference, and I believe that many of us will not abandon this role.

With even more particularity, I look to the UP College of Law – to my classmates and fellow students for solidarity and strength of resolve, and to our esteemed professors for leadership and guidance. The respect that they have earned from us in the classroom is more than enough for them to be sure that if they should lead us out of the confines of Malcolm Hall, then surely we will follow.

I trust that if we truly put our minds and hearts together on this one, then maybe the chances will be greater that when Arroyo and cohorts finally and deservedly get their comeuppance, it is the Filipino people who will reap the benefits and not just another set of wolves in sheep’s clothing.

Thanks for taking the time folks,

Iona

==============

February 27, 2006

To mayors, congressmen, LGU officials and our community leaders who continue to support Arroyo and her state of national emergency:

Arroyo’s declaration of a state of national emergency is just another addition to the ever-growing list of transgressions of an illegitimate, paranoid, and self-serving pseudo-government. The results of this proclamation: the arrests of oppositionist leaders; the shutdown and harassment of media entities; the abridgement of our rights to free assembly and speech are all blatant attacks on our civil liberties as embodied in the Bill of Rights.

Arroyo admonishes all and sundry to be faithful to the Constitution when she herself has made a complete mockery of it. She invokes the economy when it is she herself who poses to it the most danger. She insists that we follow the Rule of Law, when all she has shown is how that Rule of Law can let a cheat become President of the Republic.

Most importantly, she claims to serve the Filipino people. To that, let me make clear that I AM THE FILIPINO PEOPLE and by no means is the government of Gloria Macapagal- Arroyo serving me.

Must you continue to be blind to all these? I honestly, fervently hope not.

But should you insist in giving this woman your support, I urge you to please do so in your personal capacity and not as Mayor of my City, Representative of my District, or any such leader of my community. For this, be aware that you do NOT have this constituent’s support.

Sincerely,

Iona Jalijali

Marikina City

Hi

Iona

-

MANY thanks for your heartwarming letter! I immediately forwarded it

to the rest of the trustees. If I’m not mistaken, Barbara Gonzalez is

also known as Tweetums Gonzalez and has published a book or two in the

past. The link to her article is

http://www.philstar.com/philstar/LIFESTYLE200601213306.htm

We at the

Mangyan

Heritage

Center

are glad that the ‘discussion’ is

going even after the exhibit. That these questions and these

sentiments get to be articulated are all part of why we put up the

exhibit in the first place.

Please feel free to share the exchange to as many friends and

colleagues as possible. Let’s all be part of raising awareness and

refining the advocacy for the preservation not just of Mangyan culture

but of all our indigenous Filipino cultural heritage.

Again, maraming salamat!

Tatine

http://tatine.blogs.friendster.com/photos/myth_and_meaning/

www.mangyan.org

————

Here’s the exchange:

————

Dear All -

These past weeks you’ve received email updates from me regarding our

ongoing "Myth & Meaning: Mangyans of Mindoro" exhibit at the Ayala

Museum. Tomorrow, January 23, Monday, is our last day. I was planning

on sending one last email to simply coax all of you who haven’t

visited yet to do so. Barbara Gonzalez’ article in the Philippine Star

yesterday, January 21, changed my mind.

Does indigenous Filipino cultural heritage have value only if it can

be understood in a ‘modern’ way and transformed into a best-selling

commodity? Is raising awareness of the Mangyans and the beauty of

their culture ‘futile’ since their culture and other indigenous

culture will disappear anyway – erased by modernity?

The Hanunoo Mangyans are a shy, peaceful mountain people, considered

primitive by the lowlanders and even rumored by them to have tails.

And yet, these are the very people who have preserved a pre-Hispanic

writing system and kept alive their own ancient poetic tradition.

The "Mangyans of Mindoro" exhibit was set up to introduce this tribe

to our over-Americanized, consumer society. Their clothes, houses,

utensils may seem unsophisticated to us, and they are not materially

wealthy; but this is a society whose people often gather to recite

poetry late into the night, whose subtle minds prefer to speak in

allegories rather in dull, straightforward prose. They have no social

hierarchy but recognize judges by consensus to mediate disputes so

that there are no tribal wars - the word does not even exist in their

language. How, then, can we lowlanders presume to come in and lecure

them on clothing sizes and marketing fashions?

Their products may not be marketable to the tourists in Puerto Galera,

or to foreigners world-wide, but in their un-streamlined, homespun

quality, they convey the soul of a people. That soul may carry a clue

to our Filipino identity – that tenuous thing, that we search for and

agonize over. But we will never find it if we are bound by the

mind-set reflected in Barbara Gonzalez’s article that in order to

survive in the modern world, everything must be turned into a

commodity.

Can indigenous peoples thrive in the modern world while retaining

their traditional way of life? Is it possible for urban

"sophisticates" to learn the wisdom that can be taught by "primitive"

tribes? Would they even have the humility to know that they can learn

from them? This exhibit has no solutions, but will hopefully prompt

people to consider those questions. The point was "merely to raise

awareness of the Mangyans and the beauty of their culture" … that was

more than enough.

This is what we think.

What about you?

Tatine G. Faylona

Trustee,

Mangyan

Heritage

Center

www.mangyan.org

On 1/23/06, iona jalijali <ionaks@yahoo.com> wrote:

> Hi, Tatine!

>

> I hope you don’t mind this note from a stranger; but that was a

beautiful

> letter. Please don’t be disheartened. The work you do has tremendous

import.

> If only to show the world that such a people and culture exist,

indeed

> especially because of the threat of extinction — yes, for me,

that’s more

> than enough.

>

> As to your questions: "Does indigenous Filipino cultural heritage

have value

> only if it can be understood in a ‘modern’ way and transformed into a

> best-selling commodity? Is raising awareness of the Mangyans and the

beauty

> of their culture ‘futile’ since their culture and other indigenous

culture

> will disappear anyway – erased by modernity?" My thought would be

"NO.

> NEVER." Any presumption or insinuation that it is so is downright

absurd and

> reflects a sad, misguided ignorance clothed by pathetic elitism.

>

> I wish I could tell you that I was able to go see the exhibit, but I

wasn’t

> and I wish I had. At any rate, kudos to you and your organization.

>

> Am just wondering, is the article by Gonzalez on the Net? Can you

possibly

> provide a link thereto? Who is she anyway?

>

> My best,

> iona

On people:

1. Who we really are does not matter as much as who we try to be; character is that which fills the gap between our nature and our humanity.

2. There is a thin line between self-confidence and arrogance. It is called humility, a.k.a. “pulling one’s head out of one’s own ass.”

3. Noone is insignificant. Not even you (so go and claim your rightful space in the universe!), and not even the people you think the world would be better off without (so stop wishing them dead and go and claim your rightful space in the universe!).

On heartbreak:

1. It will pass!

2. The best kind of closure is the kind that we give to ourselves — it does not depend on hearing the words “It’s over!” from someone else’s mouth.

3. It will pass! Really!

On family and friends:

1. To borrow from Vince: The best friends are those with whom you have no “walls.” This is not to say that you can say anything or do anything to them and get away with it. True friends will stick around even when you’re being difficult or a bitch — but they sure will make you accountable. True friendship is unconditional; but it is not blind.

2. There is no greater hurt than being betrayed by someone you thought of as a true friend; and there is no greater comfort than knowing that there are people who got your back.

3. There is nothing more frightening than having a member of your family put in danger. For me, that is the only thing truly worth worrying about.

On what’s right:

1. There is such a thing as Black and White. But, for the most part, the things people do fall within the spectrum of colors in between. The trick is to know the difference.

2. What we have, but do not need, is not truly ours. When we give what, for all intents and purposes, is in excess, it is not generosity nor charity nor kindness. It is justice.

3. GMA should not be President. But then, was she really ever?

On life:

1. Very little is worse than getting diarrhea and not having a clean bathroom and enough toilet paper.

2. The best things in life are free — what we need money for is to make those non-ethereal and less-than-super things in life not seem so bad.

3. But seriously: The most important moments, the ones which will really matter, are of such nature that they can pass you by before you even realize how precious they are: a good laugh; a perfect day spent outdoors with your lover; a stimulating conversation; flying a kite; a heartfelt hug from friend; a roadtrip with your best buds; your child telling you “I love you”; and those million simple acts of kindness shared between two people… So, keep your heart and mind open, always, so that you are ever aware…

On love and relationships:

Ummm… I think I’ll pass on this one. Wala pa ata akong natututunan dyan! Hehehe…

Mojo, our beloved Chinese sharpei, is going under the knife this morning for (you won’t believe this!) an eyelid lift.

A sharpei being a sharpei, she has all that excess skin. Seems her eyelids have gotten so heavy and folded over that she actually can’t lift them up anymore! Lately she’s been walking around the house bumping into things, and keeps on pawing at her eyelids as if wanting to open her eyes by hand (or paw) — it’s the saddest, funniest thing you’ll ever see! (Not to make fun of my doggie’s suffering, but really, she could be sooooo cute! I mean, check her pictures out!)

Anyway, so the vet is going to slice off some of the skin on her lids, and pull the rest of the eyelid up – an eyelid lift, so to speak… Gosh, I wonder if that would be as painful for her as cosmetic surgery is supposed to be for humans… I sure hope not. I mean, she just came out of a severe depression, for chrissakes!

See, over a month ago, when she was in heat, the family decided to have her studded. The thing was, my overeager parents went through the stud’s papers only after the deed was done, and lo and behold, turns out that Mojo and the stud have the same mother! So not only did she get raped, it was incestuous, too!

Anyway, after the gruesome act, Mojo came home severely depressed. She refused to eat on her own for almost a month! She’d only take oatmeal with raisins and Virgin Coconut Oil (I do not lie!), and only if you rub her back while she’s eating. She must’ve lost 3-5 pounds, which is a lot when you’re just about 40 pounds to begin with… Jeez, talk about canine virtue…

She still hasn’t quite been able to go back to her usual self. She used to be so hyper (the vet did say that she’s the most hyper sharpei he’s ever come across) but now, she’s so, well, mellow. I’m thinking that after the whole loss-of-her-virginity thing, maybe our dog’s growing up or something — tipo bang nagdadalaga! I miss her chasing me around the house already… but then again, with her recent near-blindness, I guess running around hasn’t been such a good idea… So maybe that’s all there is to it.

Haaayyy… the travails of Mojo. And I thought I had problems…

Not a few friends of mine squirm when I tell them about my present preoccupation: planning my own funeral. Now I don’t mean to sound morbid, but do hear me out if you can spare the time…

Just last Friday, Pobs and I were driving home from another batchmate’s wedding and were talking about wedding songs that he will be performing at some ceremonies he’ll be attending in the next few days. I told him then about how I too have been thinking of the perfect song for me, though it wasn’t for my wedding day but for my wake. And it hit me — the irony! While most people are planning for the day they marry, what I am thinking about is what I want my funeral to be like!

Like, for instance, how I’d like to be cremated, my ashes scattered over a beach in

Palawan

at either sunset or dawn… Like how I don’t want anyone to be viewing my lifeless body and instead just be looking at the pictures I’ve taken over the years… In short, I don’t want there to be mourning but celebration! I want my funeral not to be about death but about life and how I tried to live it! I don’t want it to be morbid; I want it to be fun!

Think about it. I may never have a wedding, but I’ll definitely have a funeral, right? (Hehehehehe…)

So here is what I imagine it to be:

For the wake, which should last no longer than three days, I want my family and friends to gather in a cozy room, or better yet, under a big tent in some garden (maybe Dang Maria’s in Puerto if Tita Jane will let me or even Auntie Marivel’s house in Sandiwa) or at the beach (maybe in San Vicente). Instead of the smell of flowers (which I find nauseating), the smell of brewing coffee will fill the air. (If there are flowers at all, let them be flowers of spring like daisies and mums… the more colorful the better!) There will be comfortable couches and fluffy pillows strewn on the floor, and board games and playing cards and maybe even a sungka that people can play with. (You guys can gamble but all winnings must go to Bukas Sarili Foundation or some other worthy cause close to your heart.) Also, if there’s a mass as I’m sure my parents will insist on one, the songs Bukas Palad and Ikaw Lamang should be sang. There will be my mom’s famous lasagna for everyone to feast on and of course, lots of beer! And then, like I mentioned already, people will be looking at the photos I’ve taken of the places I’ve been and the people I’ve met along the way. (I mean, really, wouldn’t that be so much nicer to look at than a corpse???). And of course, my favorite music will be playing in the background, mostly by U2 and the Beatles and Live and Bob Marley and “Last Goodbye” by Jeff Buckley and in particular, “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac. If my friends will get together and read poetry (not necessarily mine, though that would be nice) and go on to have a full blast rock/reggae concert (calling all my musician friends!) and dance and sing the night away, then by the Grace of this Beautiful Universe, I would be eternally grateful!

I truly hope I’m not freaking anyone out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to make it seem like I got it all together and that somehow death does not scare me. Of course it does! But see, I truly believe that if there’s one thing that’s worse than being afraid to die it is being afraid to live.

I just want to be able to spend the rest of my life knowing that the details of what happens after it ends are already taken of and that even after I’m gone, I will still have one final chance to say goodbye to everyone I love MY way. To some level, I guess this is being narcissistic, but what I really want is for my funeral to be my final, parting gift to those I love — so that if while I was alive, I did not have the chance, then maybe in death, I could let them know just how much they meant to me. It will be the final farewell which will say all the “Sorry’s” and “Thank you’s” and “I wish you well’s” and “I love you’s” that in life I may not have been able to say.

So there. Di naman morbid yun, di ba? J

Tons of work at the office, and probably our first graded recitation tonight in class, for which I am so unprepared. Still, I find myself here, procrastinating.

Besides, I said I’d be back with more "kwento" from my last Palawan trip. Somehow, I haven’t been able to get around to it. For one, I really hardly have the time, and for another (and this I’ve told a few friends), I am still finding it difficult to just blabber on about my life. I’ve never really been the journal-keeping type, mostly because I’m really supremely lazy. Besides that, there’s something about publishing stuff on an online diary of sorts that makes me hold back, though mostly, I think this is because of the fact that I see myself as an unbearably boring person these days… I mean, who really wants to hear about the trials and tribulations of a struggling law student/NGO worker, right? This is why so far, I’ve only posted my (supply your own adjective here, please)-attempts-at-poetry and also some articles I’ve published before.

Still, as a friend pointed out, the space is there anyway, so I might as well make use of it. But please, let me ease into this thing…

So, what to talk about?

Oh yes, I just recently celebrated another birthday. At sa lahat ng bumati, pumunta, nakaalala at nag-text o nag-email o nag-friendster message: Maraming salamat! Special mention kina Jae at Vince at ibang mga idol sa Akbayan; to my soulsister Alia and her honey Boch (who really enjoys agitating the tibak in me… hehe); sa tropang Xaymaca, lalo na kina Francis at Aying; sa aking pinakamamahal na mga "kababayan" mula sa Puerto na sina Lem (who is about to prove that miracles do happen by giving up his treasured singlehood and unlimited right to party), si Jay (na lumuwas pa galing Dasma), at siyempre sa Diyosa ng Palawan — si Rambie "She’s Very Gorgeous" Lim (love this girl!); and of course to my lifelong superfriends Joyce, Xtn, Mitzie, Anna and Lia (Anna and Li, you were with us in spirit, right?), especially to Mitzie for bringing Aidan, that little boy who makes being Ninang one of the best jobs in the world! (Superfriends, my wishlist remains unheeded… hehehe!)

Anyhow, as for the Palawan trip… Well, it was, in a nutshell, just what the doctor ordered. Kalipay was magical, surreal even. The trip should make for one entry, though. A paragraph won’t do it justice, so let me chew on it a bit longer. In the meantime, just check out the photos muna.

Speaking of Palawan, I’m again due to be in El Nido by the end of November. It will be for work, but still, I feel lucky. Only downside is that I’ll probably miss Lem’s wedding. Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded trading the trip to El Nido for staying in Manila for that, Lem being a dear friend and the event promising to be a truly memorable one with the whole Puerto mafia coming to Manila. Oh well, sana makahabol pa rin ako…

Haaay. It’s almost 3pm and I’ve only accomplished 10% of my tasks for the day.I Guess I’ve procrastinated enough. Better get back to the things I should be doing…

Just got back from a week in Palawan and already all I can think of is how to save up and schedule my next trip "home." Kwento to come (as I have tons of backlog at work I have to get to), but in the meantime feel free to check out my album and enjoy the sights of my soulplace. I only wish the images could give you a bit of an idea of how I feel about Palawan and just how it looks in my eyes…

There’s only so much of this city that I can take.

With its fake women and fast men

And ready-to-go-just-pop-it-in-the-microwave relationships.

The coffee is good though, but hardly warm enough

With the cold of these shiny metal chairs

Piercing through the denim seat of my pants.

And must I go on about the stifling heat and the grime in the air

Which I imagine must be leaving little black spots

On my alveolar sacs even as we speak?

I never can find refuge here.

Not even in that space where I imagine myself resting in your arms.

When Poetry and Art and Imagination are derided

By the Principles of Economics, 18^th Edition,

What room is there for the Heart

When it is the Stomach with the ulcers?

Besides, Ideas are now unrecognized

Unless articulated by the Political Expert

And unsullied by Emotion;

And who am I but Noone whose

Naivete Someone finds “refreshing?”

These days, a quick Google of Rhetoric will yield:

“Skill in using language effectively and persuasively”

And, as well:

“Language that is elaborate, pretentious, insincere, or intellectually vacuous.”

And mind you, Love is but funny now.

As is Hope. As is Justice.

And I have yet to find the Euphemism for Faith.

And what’s the use of Honesty anyway? When the News

Delivers the most important thing  — Information.

Every hour, on the hour, and with the benefit

Of the most Objective Points of View.

In an age where Truth has been banished by Immediacy,

Greatness is only as real as Freedom.

I will lay my anchor down

find shelter in a calm cove

with warm turquoise waters

and a quiet beach

where waves never crash

but only,

like tears,

weep gently onto the shore.