to soul places

My love is simple, uncomplicated,

unencumbered. Take away

the romance and promises and

poetry, it stays the same.

It is not presupposed on anything,

like you loving me back.

It is direct, blunt, nonnegotiable,

like fact.

There’s no denying love like that.

No mistaking it.

There is nothing imagined about it.

It’s as real as this chair I sit on. Or

that beer you drink. And

even if you don’t want it anymore,

it doesn’t make it any less real.

Your rejection did not make

my love go away like some fever

or affliction that I suffered.

It’s still here.

A cold, hard fact.

Like the hurt that I live with

like an unwanted guest.

This love, this hurt, they

are not illusions I inflict on myself.

They’re as real as matter,

perceptible

in all three dimensions.

I feel it, see it, hear it,

smell it, taste it.

You may think otherwise, or probably

don’t even care one way or another.

But that doesn’t really change anything,

does it?

I hardly know what to do with this love

since you don’t want it.

And I don’t know what to do with this hurt;

I don’t want it.

Sometimes I wish it’s you I imagined,

that you were never real.

But that wouldn’t work, would it?

You are a fact, too, after all,

just like my love,

and just like this hurt,

that I have no choice but to live with.

So I guess I’ll just be playing injured now.

I suspect it’s going to be a while,

but at least I’ll still be in the game.

I’ll see you around.

On her knees

she crawls;

hands outstretched

in dire supplication

her eyes nailed

to the cross.

Above the murmur

of twelve women

and a thousand

hushed prayers

she can hear it calling.

She drowns the sound

in a plaintive wail

that noone can hear.

She steals frantic looks

across the pews —

anonymity

her only protection —

while beads of glass

in plaster robes

pierce her soul

like thorns

on sacred cardiac flesh.

The smell

of burning wax

makes her nauseous

as the dirty scarlet carpet

hides the crimson flow

from between her legs

and salvation

seeps into the ground.

Like wildfire may

Hope spread

Burning quiet but sure,

Keeping our convictions alive,

Our intentions true.

Let it be our armor

Against

Oppressor

And cynic.

Let it be the light

That reveals truth

And clarity

In times of confusion and

Ignorance.

Let it be salve for our wounds.

And the drumbeat

Of this war.

In all its forms –

Love, faith, and justice –

Let it be

Our Motherland’s eternal song.

The light, dying, shone upon the water, and

Waged a final war against the

Gathering darkness.

A brilliant, valiant fight that

Spilled bloody red across the sky.

I close my eyes.

Behind me a chorus of mating calls.

I breathe.

In front of me the roar of white water crashing on sand.

I taste the salt on my lips.

And I struggle to burn in my being

The soundtrack of this sea.

When my Night comes to me,

Let this be my final memory.

dalawang tula, isang kwento…

LOVER

Flagrant foul and failure I tucked under my belt.

Took comfort from the saying,

"Ain’t no way but up from here…"

Was happy with the ashes

And what I can’t see in the dark

Pain transfigured after all,

Is what some people call art.

But suddenly I am blinded

by a burst of light

like the birth of a new star

in the galaxy of my soul

and these words are gushing out

like a monsoon’s waterfall

and I’m flustered and confused

because I’m blind but I could see

and I hear and feel and smell the world

so suddenly

it hurts my eyes and ears and fucking makes me gag.

I can’t help it, I’m the victim of a curse

that raised me to the heavens

in one great cosmic burst

and there’s a word I refused to say,

I never had the privelege,

and I hardly can believe,

that now it is my heritage.

Lover lover lover lover

Lover lover you

Lover lover lover lover

Lover lover you.

SABI KO, SABI MO

Sabi ko malakas ako kasi kaya kong pulutin ang sarili ko.

Sabi mo mahina ako kasi hindi naman ako dapat nadadapa.

Sabi ko ang saya natin noon, mula araw hanggang gabi.

Sabi mo, akala ko lang yun, pasensyoso ka lang kasi.

Sabi ko okey naman ako, malayo na ang narating, malaki na ang pinagbago.

Sabi mo tumingin ako sa salamin, magpakatotoo.

Siguro nga tama ka.

Ang problema dun, ibig sabihin mali ako.

Iba ba ang ating mundo?

Saan ko ngayon ilalagay ang mga alaala

Ng mga umagang gumising ka at sa pagmulat ng iyong mga mata

Nagpasalamat ka sa sanlibutan dahil ako’y nasa iyong tabi?

Ng iyong mga bukambibig na sa aking pag-ibig ay bumubuti kang tao?

At sana’y hindi man ikaw ang una, ikaw na ang huli?

Sabi mo wala ka pang minahal tulad ko,

Na kung hindi ako para sa iyo, sino?

Iba na ang iyong mundo.

Kasi, sabi mo, ngayon wala nang lahat iyon.

Kasi, sabi mo, gusto mong makahanap ng iba, yung hindi ako.

Kasi, sabi mo, ang pag-ibig ko ay asido

At sa halip na maghilom ay lalong lumubha ang mga sugat na matagal mo nang dala,

At ayaw mong mahawa sa aking mga sakit at kahinaan.

Kaya sabi mo, ayusin ko ang sarili ko

Kasi hindi mo kayang dalhin ang aking bigat

At hindi mo kayang irespeto ang isang tao na hindi buo at may lamat,

Tulad ko.

Oo na, tama ka.

Ibig sabihin, mali ako.

Anong nangyari sa mundo?

We The Jologs: A Reaction to Jawbreaker’s "Walang Kwenta and Pilipinas"

I am working class, I pay my taxes, I am an "ordinary office worker," I know how it feels….. but this person, whoever he or she is, does not speak for me. While the writer did not claim that he was speaking for anyone but himself, the same passion that compelled him to compose his message is the same passion which compels me now to say my piece. I write this for several reasons.

First, the email (or more accurately, the blog entry) now circulating, as strongly-worded as it is, is bound to reach more and more people and lest more are led to believe that most of us think in the same vein, I have to say that we do not, or at least I don’t. Second, many of his statements do a great many Filipino grave disservice. Third, it is time to speak.

I am just as sick of the corruption and the scandals and the politicking. Pagod, sawa, at sukang-suka sa walang katapusang pagbabangayan, tama siya doon! Ang gobyerno ng Pilipinas ay saksakan ng dumi at baho… tama ulit! We are all sick of watching these politicians fight over positions in goverment like rabied dogs, all in the name of public service kuno when in fact the only interest they ever serve is their own. But this issue goes so far beyond politics! Sino nga bang kawawa sa mga nangyayari ngayon? Kahit naman anong mangyari doon sa itaas, wala naman sa kanila ang maghihirap. Even if Gloria resigns or is removed from office, she’s not going to end up anywhere near the poor house scrounging for a daily living. Lahat sila, administrasyon, oposisyon, militar, the big business players… all those powers that be who seem to be driving the country further and further into the depths of oblivion… they have nothing to lose except the opportunity to accumulate more wealth at our expense. If this country does self-destruct, all they have to do is hop on an airplane and fly, business class at that, to some other country.

At sino ang maiiwan dito? Tayo. The so-called "middle-class"… and the so-called "masa". Sama-sama tayong maiiwan dito to drown in the muck. And because of this, I see no distinction between the purported middle-class and the masa anymore, definitely not one that will help us in these trying times. To hang on to the notion that our interests are different is myopic. To believe that the middle-class have more at stake is arrogant. To continue to keep a line between "them" and "us" is elitist and wrong. It also borders on prejudice, which is unacceptable. This kind of hatred is just as bad as greed.

Look around you. Unless you are surnamed Ayala (exception na lang siguro si Joey Ayala) or Cojuancgo or Gokongwei or what have you…. working or not, MASA ka rin! So what if you dress better, or went to a private school, can speak decent English, or listen to Coldplay instead of April Boy? Does it make you more of a person? Does it make you more deserving of a better life? Does it make you more entitled to decent service from an honest government? All it makes you is, well, better-dressed and eligible for a higher tax bracket.

You know what the real differences are? The real difference between "us" and "them" is that while "we" complain about not being able to afford a fancy dinner at some expensive restaurant or buy a new pair of sneakers or get the latest cellphone, "they" worry about where to get money for their next meal. "They" worry about diseases like pneumonia and TB and not having even a hundred bucks to even go to a doctor to ask for a prescription that they won’t be able to afford to buy anyway. Our children give up going to the movies; their children give up fare money and walk to school, if they are able to still go to school in the first place. The taxes that you pay may mean an out-of-town family vacation. The taxes that according to you they don’t pay could spell the difference between life and death. THAT is the difference.

Paying your taxes does not make you better than anyone else. Haven’t you thought about the fact that so many Filipinos are exempt from paying taxes precisely because they are too poor to pay any tax? And for sure, kahit kailan hindi sila naging bida. Kahit kailan, hindi sila nasunod. Kahit kailan, hindi sila ever pinakinggan ng gobyerno. Pinarada si Mang Pandoy dati, yung tatlong bata naman nung panahon ni Gloria, pero nasaan na sila ngayon? The Government has always claimed to but has NEVER actually championed their cause. EDSA I? Mind you, hindi yun laban ng mga jologs na masa. Laban yun ng lahat ng Pilipino, led foremost by the middle-class! Lalo naman ang EDSA II which put Gloria in power. That was almost a purely middle-class movement. Maybe you’re talking about the so called mob which rally to support Erap at every opportunity, but they have not been heard. More importantly, they do not properly represent the poor of this country. The “masa” can be found not only in Metro Manila; they are scattered all across these 7,107 islands of ours. High tide or low tide, they have never been empowered. They remain desolate and neglected and oppressed. True, pag kampanya sila ang bida sa plataporma, pero pagkatapos hindi ba yung mga crony na business tycoons at foreign investors din naman and naghahari? And you will deny them their right to basic government service? No need, because the Government never served them anyway.

And besides, OO, tayong working class ang nagbabayad ng buwis at OO dahil dun nabubuhay ang Pilipinas. But do you know who really keeps this country afloat, albeit barely? The farmers! The fishermen! Those people who still somehow keep the agricultural sector going. They feed you and me. Literal pa yan! Economically, agriculture is still our major industry. By traditional definitions, I’m sure kasama sila sa masa na sobrang kinagagalitan mo. Will you deny them their proper place in keeping this country alive for all of us? They probably contribute more than both you and I do. Besides, the way things are going right now, meron pa bang tao na hindi nagbabayad ng buwis one way or the other?

Yung mga big-time tax evaders, tama, sa kanila ka magalit. Pero wag doon sa maliliit na wala namang magawa.

Totoo, nakakainis ang mga tamad. At totoo naman na maraming tamad sa Pilipinas. But the poor do not have a monopoly of the indolence in this country. At sa totoo lang, hindi sila mahirap dahil tamad sila. I find it tyrannical, and such a terrifying recall to the Spanish colonial era, that some people still seem to think so. As much as there are lazy people in the squatters of Tondo, there are just as many lazy people in Forbes Park. The only difference is that they have Daddy’s money to disguise their lack of productivity. At kahit tamad sila, hindi sila nagugutom.

Totoo, may mahihirap na hindi umaangat kasi tamad. Pero karamihan sa mahihirap humihirap dahil kahit anong gawin nila, hindi sila nabibigyan ng pagkakataong umayos ang buhay. Do we really believe the poor are content with their poverty and do not try to do all in their power to change their fate? Tell that to the driver of the next pedicab you ride.

The bare naked truth is, in most cases, they are simply not given the opportunity to prosper. For one, Government does not give them the education they need and deserve to equip and empower them to do better. And there’s the capitalist economy of consumption and excess, where profit is the end that justifies any means, which simply will not let anyone other than the key players and investors and top-level executives have any share of the wealth. I find it strange that you shouldn’t see this. You are the best example of what I mean. You complain of having to content yourself with a 10 peso waffledog at Mini-stop instead of your favorite value meal at Jollibee… yet you work your butt off, don’t you? Hindi ka tamad, pero yumaman ka na ba? Like I said, masa ka rin. The simple fact is, for poor people like us, there is a much bigger hurdle than the fight against one’s own “tamaditis.”

You also attack those activitists who take to the streets. Unang-una, sana ihiwalay mo yung mga tunay na aktibista dun sa mga binayaran lang ng kung sinong pulitiko para manggulo. Hindi lahat ng nakikipaglaban sa kalsada walang trabaho at tamad at hindi nagbabayad ng buwis at nagbibilad sa araw para lang manggulo. There are those of them, and believe me there are many, who are decent hard-working people. They sacrifice time that could otherwise have been spent with their families to fight for what they believe in. They sacrifice the daily wages they might otherwise earn precisely because they feel that it is the future of their children at stake. And it is precisely because they are the disadvantaged lot that their sacrifices are even more proportionately significant. More than income, they have sacrificed life and limb for this country, and will do so again if the need arises. For anyone to scoff at this, no matter how much we disagree with the form their ideology takes, is disrespectful and cruel. It is an insult to those who have made such sacrifices, to their families who have made the sacrifices with them, and to those of us who still believe that this country, damned as it seems to be, is still worth fighting for.

Besides, ano nga bang masama sa ideolohiya? You use it like it was a bad word. What is ideology, really, but a principle by which we aspire to achieve our ideals? And what are our ideals? Better lives for ourselves and our families? A better future for our children? To live in a peaceful and just society, where there is enough for all and no one is hungry or poor or uneducated? To be called a great nation and take pride in our citizenship? Isn’t that the ideal we all strive for? Ikaw, yun lang din naman ang gusto mo di ba? The ideologies may vary, but still, the ideals are the same. Bottomline: we all want the same thing. Masa man o middle class, (kahit nga yung mga mayayaman at corrupt na pulitiko, nasobrahan lang sila), we all want the same thing.

Kelan ba kasi naging synonymous ang ideology sa idealismo at ang idealismo sa imposible? It is precisely because we have abandoned our ideals and idealism that we are in the muck. It is precisely because we have been so frustrated by our experiences that just the mere mention of the word “ideology” makes us cringe and turn away. But if all these ideologies die, then how will we even start to strive for our ideals? Siguro nga tama ka, mamatay na nga silang kumakapit pa sa prinsipyo at ideolohiya. Mamatay na tayong lahat.

We have different ways of fighting for what we believe in, different ways of contributing. Some of us take to the streets, some of us stand quietly by but in our hearts we protest the injustices that surround us and in our own ways, we do what we can. But I say, better do something than nothing at all. To give up now will do nothing but assure our doom.

The present political crisis is more than just political. True, this needs to be resolved and at the soonest possible time. But however which way this plays out… what we need to assure is that we do not let this happen again. Like I said, tayo ang kawawa. Buti sana if the effects of these political upheavals are contained only amongst those people who keep on playing musical chairs with the seats of power. Pero hindi eh. Lahat tayo, apektado. From ordinary office workers to the jobless man with five mouths to feed waiting at home, tamad man o hindi, we are the ones who suffer. These political maneuverings have translated into decades of poverty for so many and that makes me sick and livid with anger. It makes my heart break. And we are all accountable for that. Yes, all of us. And merely paying our taxes does not make us blameless.

We are accountable in so many ways that may seem innocuous but are just as dangerous nonetheless. We are accountable when we vote for a person because of nothing else than kababayan natin siya, or tatay siya ng kaklase natin sa elementary, o nakikita natin siya sa pelikula, o gwapo siya o maganda. We are accountable when we go to the LTO and bribe the employees there so we don’t have to spend two hours in line. We are accountable when we solicit favors from politicians and public servants and contribute to the prevalence of patronage politics. We are accountable when we allow our friends or relatives to solicit (or grant!) those favors. We are accountable when we engage in business practices that deprive laborers of their fair and just wages just so we could keep our profit levels as high as we possibly can with nary a thought of how we owe to our employees not just to give them wages but to raise their quality of life. We are accountable when, in the name of job and investment generation, we develop industries and technologies that wreak havoc on the environment and the health of local communities thereby effectively pushing them once and for all into a place of irrevocable poverty and true disenfranchisement.

More so we are accountable when we sit by and say nothing or do nothing to register our dissent and make things change. We are our own worst enemies. But, we could also be our own best friends.

I say this to you in fellowship and with respect for the great love you have for our country, which is obvious in spite of your disillusion and decision to give up. Go. Be the proverbial rat who abandons the sinking ship. Save yourself and pursue the life you want. You have a right to it. Iwan mo kaming bayan ng mga jologs.

Like I said, I respect your opinion. Hindi kita inaaway, and if I sound like it, I apologize. Actually, ito naman talaga ang punto ko: Hindi tayo ang magkaaway dito, just as much as I believe na hindi yung mga aktibista sa kalye o mahihirap na hindi makapagbayad ng buwis and kaaway mo. I cannot accept that they should deserve this kind of ire. And I find it counterproductive, to say the least, to put the impoverished majority of this country on the other side of the fence. You are angry, which is how most of us feel, but your anger is somewhat misdirected. Para sa akin, nakakatakot kung ganyan ngang mag-isip talaga ang lahat ng “middle-class.” Rage against the corrupt and greedy people in power and I will rage with you. Rage against those who resort to murder and terrorism to get what they want. But please, spare the rest of us who just like you, flawed as we are, are just victims here.

And herein lies the crux: we may be victims here, but we are not helpless. We have to fight together. We must exercise discernment and distinguish propaganda from truth. Now is not the time to point fingers at each other and call each other names and wish each other one-way trips to hell. We must identify who and what the real enemies are; and in my heart of hearts, I know that I will not find them in the shantytowns of Manila.

There is so much that ails our country. There is something so terribly wrong when you live in a society where some people can afford 700,000 peso TV sets while just a few feet away there are children dying of malnutrition. The fact that even people with the greatest love for this country give up and leave, is the saddest commentary of all. As urgent as the need to change the people who govern us, is the need to change so many of the intrinsic things that make our systems and institutions so vulnerable to manipulation by the few. Not the least of these things is our own individual tolerance. There is much work to be done. And it must start, now.

You’re right. What we need is radical change. A revolution is in order. A real one. One that will go beyond changing the names of the people we empower to abuse us. Take that statement however which way you want. Take it to the streets, if you will. But my real prayer is that you take it to your heart. Evaluate. Discern. Participate. Change. Sacrifice. Hope. Act.

And yes, leave if you must. I wish you the best of luck, too. And one day, I hope that you will come back to a Philippines that we, the jologs, will have rebuilt to make you proud.

I received this forwarded email… and there’s a lot to be said kung ganito nga mag-isip ang karamihan sa atin ngayon.

Walang Kwenta ang Pilipinas by: jawbreaker (isang ordinaryong office worker na ayaw na magbayad ng tax…ever!)

Hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko. Sukang-suka na ko sa mga nangyayari sa bansang ‘to!

Walang katapusang corruption, walang kamatayang pangbabatikos, pagbabatuhan ng tae at pagpapa-taasan ng ihi ng mga pulitiko sa bawat isa, walang tigil na imbestigasyon ng kung ano-anong isyu pero wala namang matinong resolusyon, walang puknat na pag-aagawan ng kapangyarihan sa pagitan ng mga partido, patuloy na pagdami ng tamad at tangang pilipino, patuloy na pakikipaglaban ng ideolohiyang wala namang silbi.

Ang gobyerno ng pilipinas, talo pa ang septic tank na hinihigop ng malabanan – saksakan ng dumi at napakabaho. Kaya hindi nakakapagtaka na ang pilipinas ang isa sa pinakamahirap at corrupt na bansa sa mundo. Kasi lahat sila bulok, lahat sila walang kwenta. Lahat sila sugapa sa kapangyarihan at sa pera.

Anak ng teteng! &!* @!!

Kahit kristiyano ako, hindi ko mapigilang magmura at hilingin sa diyos (minsan nga pati sa demonyo) na mamatay na silang lahat at i-bbq sila ng habang-buhay sa impierno. Sinong “sila”? Eh di mga corrupt na government officials and workers, mga tambay na pilipino na ang lalaki ng katawan pero hindi naman nagtratrabaho at hindi nagbabayad ng tax, mga mayayaman at aristang tax evaders, pati mga aktibista, npa at iba pang ideological groups na hindi nagbabayad ng tax pero pang-gulo Mamatay na kayo

Lagi na lang sinasabi ng mga pulitiko: ipaglaban ang masa! Tulungan ang masa! Mahalin ang masa! Punyeta! Masa lang ba ang tao sa pilipinas? Sino ba talaga ang bumubuhay sa punyetang bansang to? Saan ba galing ang pangpagawa ng mga tulay at kalye? Saan ba galing ang pork barrel? Saan ba galing ang perang kinukurakot nyo?

Kami na mga manggagawa at middle class na bago pa makuha ang sweldo bawas na – kami ang bumubuhay sa walang kwentang bansa na ‘to. Bakit yang bang mga masang yan na lagi na lang sentro ng plataporma ng mga pulitiko eh nagbabayad ba ng tax???! F**k you!

Kahit isa sa mga nag-ra-rallying mga squatter na yan, kahit singko hindi nag-re-remit yan sa bir! Pero pinapakinggan ba kami ng gobyerno? Lagi na lang opinyon ng masa ang iniintindi ng gobyerno. Kung sino ang nag-ra-rally, sa edsa, sila ang nasusunod. Kung sino ang mas malakas sumigaw pero wala naming economic contribution, sila lagi ang focus pag may problema. Sila lagi ang bida. Kaming mga ordinaryong office workers, ofw’s, laborers at iba pang nag-tra-trabaho at nagbabayad ng tax – kami ang nagpapakahirap para buhayin ang pilipinas. Kami ang mga tunay na bayani ng bansa.

Tuwing nakikita ko ang payslip ko, nag-iinit ang ulo ko at gusto kong maiyak sa inis. Napakalaki ng tax na binabawas sa akin pero ginagamit lang sa walang kwentang bagay ang perang pinaghirapan ko. Lahat ng pagtitipid ginagawa ko para suportahan ang sarili ko, pamilya ko at ang punyetang bansang to. Ni hindi ako makabili ng chicken and spaghetti meal sa jollibee kahit gutom na gutom na ko. Nag-tya-tyaga ako sa waffle na tig-p10, o kaya pag may konting pera, junior bola-bola siopao sa mini-stop sa halangang p20. Eh kung yung pera ko na pinapangbabayad sa tax sa kin na lang napunta, eh di sana nakakapanood pa ko ng sine at least 2 beses sa isang buwan. Nakabili na sana ako ng bagong rubber shoes. Nakapagpagawa na sana ako ng sarili kong bahay.

Yung tax na binabayad ko, karamihan nun derecho sa bulsa ng mga corrupt na mga government officials at workers. Habang hirap na hirap akong i-budget ang pera ko, sila naman nagpapakasarap sa mga mansyon. Suv’s at luxury cars pa ang dina-drive nila, samantalang ako sa pedicab lang sumasakay! Putang-ina! Pera ko yang pinapagpapasasaan nyo!!

Yung tax na binabayad ko, pinapangsuporta sa mga mahihirap. Saan ba galing ang pera pangpagawa ng housing at pagtulong sa mga mahihirap, di ba sa mga manggagawa na nagbabayad ng buwis! Pero karamihan ng mahihirap, kung umasta kala mo inaapi sila ng sobra.

Sa totoo lang no, kaya ang mga mahihirap lalong naghihirap kasi mga tamad!

Ang daming mga tambay sa kalye na walang trabaho pero ang laki ng katawan. Eh kung sila ba nagkargador sa pier eh di sana may pera sila.

Tapos wala na ngang pera, anak pa ng anak! Punyeta! Lalo nyo lang pinapadami ang tamad at tanga sa mundo!!

Naaawa ako sa mga batang pakalat-kalat sa kalye at namamalimos. Imbes na nag-aaral, dumadagdag lang sila sa bilang ng mga future criminals sa pinas. Hindi ako magtataka na yung batang nakita kong namamalimos sa cubao, pagkatapos ng ilang taon cellphone snatcher na.

Yung mga magulang naman dyan, common sense lang! Hirap na hirap na nga kayo sa buhay, mangdadamay pa kayo ng iba?! Paparamihan nyo pa lahi nyo!

Palibhasa walang mga trabaho at walang pinagkaka-abalahan, kaya nagkakalabitan at nagsusundutan na lang maghapon, magdamag. Sa totoo lang, nakakabilib. Kasi kahit sa ilalim ng tulay o sa kariton lang, nakakabuo pa rin ng bata! Ibig sabihin, maabilidad ang mga pinoy. Kung gugustuhin, gagawan ng paraan. Kahit sa makipot, mabaho at maduming lugar – solve!

Isa pang mga grupo ng tao na nakakainis, yung mga aktibista, npa at kung ano-ano pang ideological political groups. Sabi nila, mahal na mahal nila ang pilipinas kaya pinagpalalaban nila ang kanilang mga adhikain.

Punyeta! Eh hindi rin kayo nagbabayad ng tax! Ang kakapal rin ng mga mukha nyo! Mga ipokrito! Mahal daw ang pilipinas ayaw naman magbayad ng buwis! Bakit may bir collector ba sa gitna ng mendiola at edsa?! May tax collection ba sa bundok?!

Wala din naman kayong mga trabaho! Kung may trabaho talaga kayo, hindi kayo mag-ra-rally dahil sayang ang sweldo nyo pag absent kayo!

Paano nyo maipapakita ang pagmamahal nyo sa pilipinas kung wala na kayong gawang matino kundi mag-rally at mamundok??

Isa pa yang mga mayayaman at mga artista, na nangdadaya at hindi nagbabayad ng buwis. Ang kakapal ng mukha nyo! Ang dami nyo na ngang pera nangdadaya pa kayo sa tax! Hindi nyo naman madadala sa impierno yang mga kayaman nyo. Masusunog lang dun yan. Kaya lalong bumabagsak ang negosyo dito sa pilipinas, kasi mga negosyante mandaraya. Pati showbiz industry, bagsak na din. Karma ang tawag dyan. Mga balasubas kasi.

Sana magkaron ng political and national cleansing.

Alisin (mas maganda kung patayin na lang) ang lahat ng pulitiko at political families sa puwesto. Tibagin ang lahat ng mapanirang organizations at grupo. Itapon sa malayong isla o kaya i-pwersa ng hard labor ang mga sobrang tamad na mga pilipino. Ihiwalay ang mga bata sa kanilang mga tamad at tangang magulang upang makapag-aral sila at maturuan na maging mabuting tao at mamamayan. Magkaron ng bagong lider na walang political ties at utang na loob sa kahit sino. At higit sa lahat, dapat tax payers lang ang pwedeng bumoto!

Kung kinakailangang magka-giyera para magtino ang mga pilipino, ayos lang. Masyado na kasing matigas ang ulo ng mga tao dito. Gusto ng kalayaan, pero hindi naman handang panagutan ang responsibilidad ng pagiging malaya. Meron daw pinaglalaban na prinsipyo at adhikain pero takot namang mamatay para dito. (sa mga nakaka-alam sa anime na gundam wing, yan ang inspirasyon ko sa new pinas hehe. I love you zechs! I love you treize!)

Hangga’t hindi nagkakaron ng radical change, patuloy na walang kwenta ang pilipinas at patuloy na magiging tanga ang majority ng mga pilipino.

Sa dami ng nag-mi-migrate na pilipino sa ibang bansa, dadating ang panahon na minority na lang ng population sa pilipinas ang may utak. Yung mga magagaling na pilipino, malamang maubos na. Sobra na kasi silang na-fru-frustrate at na-de-depress sa mga nakikita nila. Ilang taon pa at aalis na rin ako sa pilipinas. Wala kong balak na magkaron ng pamilya sa isang bansa na hindi pinapahalagahan ang kontribusyon ng mga taong tunay na bumubuhay dito. Kawawa naman ang magiging anak ko kung dito sya mabubuhay.

Sa totoo lang, broken hearted ako. Minahal ko din ang bansang ito. Pilit kong pinagtatanggol kahit bulok. Nakarating na ko ng ibang bansa, pero pinili kong bumalik. Pero ngayon, ayoko na. Suko na ko. Sayang lang ako sa bansang to. Simple lang naman ang hiling ko. Gusto ko lang mabuhay ng tahimik at maayos. Gusto ko na kahit paano eh maipagmalaki ang pilipinas. Pero wala eh. Doomed to be jologs ang bansang to.

Alam ko marami pa ang umaasa at naniniwala sa pagbabago. Good luck and god bless! Sana tama kayo at mali ako.

sa ilalim ng talulot

ng napikit niyang mga mata

umiikot ang kanyang paningin

tila naghahanap sa dilim

ng daan palabas

ng bangungot

na sumukob sa mundong

itinago ng tulog

nais tumakas sa

halakhak ng humahabol

na halimaw.

di man mahimbing

di rin magising

ang aking mahal.

di maimulat ang mga mata.

maya maya pa’y bumuka ang bibig

bahagya

at muling itinikom

wari’y sikretong muntik nang maka-alpas.

nais kitang sundan

mahal ko

hanapin ka sa karimlan

dala ko ay

kandilang di naagnas at

apoy ng dakilang tapang.

handa na akong lumusong

sa kumunoy ng iyong katinuan

kundangan lang sa iyong

pagbalik.

humahangos

buti-butil ang pawis

at walang pagkilalang nabanaag

nang ako’y iyong tignan.

sa susunod mahal

mauuna na ako

sa lugar na iyong kinatatakutan

at doon maghihintay

nang ni isang saglit

di mawalay ang ating malay.

kay lungkot mag-isa.

It was one of those times when getting away was simply a must. After two months as a law school freshman, I was ready to forego another weekend of hitting the books for a long road trip, good company, and two days of white water fun and adventure!

It was a 10- to 12- hour bus ride to Tuguegarao City. (Spending the night on the bus wasn’t too bad; we slept through most of it anyway). We arrived a little after dawn and were whisked away to lovely Casa Carag, which served as home for the next two days. The house is actually the ancestral home of Anton Carag, co-owner of Adventures and Expeditions Philippines, Inc (AEPI) and our gracious host and mentor for the trip.

Day 1

After a hurried but sumptuous breakfast, we were finally off to the first item on the agenda. We headed southwest for two hours towards Barangay Dumyangan in Tabuk, Kalinga. It is here that the Pasil River empties into the Chico River and the fun begins.

After a concise briefing on rafting and river safety, we donned our life vests and helmets, grabbed a paddle each, and loaded the inflatable rafts in groups of four and five. This leg would take us on a 19-kilometer stretch of the lower Chico through raoids ranging from Class 1 to 3+. Hearts a-pounding, we set off.

It was exhilarating! It’s difficult to describe the rush I felt as we encountered each rapid, struggled to maneuver the raft, and tried not to fall overboard. The noise of the churning waters, the barked commands of the guides, and the occasional scream from a paddling buddy lent more excitement to the entire experience. At the same time, the relaxed drifting in between rapids offered enough opportunities to contemplate the tranquility and sheer beauty of the Cordilleras.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), nobody fell into the water that day (not even in the area which the guides have playfully christened “The Piggy Bank” as this is where they usually, so to speak, deposit their guests.) This is not to suggest that the rapids were not strong enough. In fact, according to Anton, a recent typhoon changed the river such that the swells became bigger and the current faster in many places.

On our way home that afternoon, we took a quick detour and headed to Peñablanca, a historic municipality 30 minutes east of Tuguegarao City. A 10-minute motorized boat ride upstream along the Pinacanauan River allowed us to witness quite a nature show. From a cave high up the cliff wall facing the river, hundreds of thousands of bats streamed out into the surrounding forest. There were so many bats that it created the illusion of synchronized ribbons fluttering against the darkening sky. It was an eerily beautiful and fitting way to end our first day in Cagayan.

Back at Casa Carag, we were in for a very pleasant surprise. We emerged from our showers to see the dinner table laden with gourmet cheeses, crostini, salami, and red wine. And those were just the appetizers! After a day of enjoyable mayhem on the river, such a civilized and delicious treat was just heavenly…

Day 2

The smell of freshly-brewed coffee, hot chocolate, and another delicious breakfast greeted us when we awoke at 6 am the next day. We had a full itinerary ahead of us, so there was no time to waste! Soon enough, we were on the road again, heading back to Peñablanca where a day of caving and kayaking beckoned.

The Peñablanca Protected Landscape, the corridor to the Northern Sierra Madre Natural Park, is home to more than 300 caves. While 108 of these caves have been identified by the Nationa Museum to have archeological significance, only 75 have thus far been mapped.

We visited two of these caves. First was Callao cave, which was a relatively easy 30-minute trek from the registration area. The cave boasts several huge chambers with natural and dramatic skylights. There is even a chapel in one of the larger caverns where Mass is celebrated twice a year. Our guide, Argel, pointed out some technical characteristics of the caverns and lamented how the caves have been spoiled by vandalism.

The second cave, Roc cave, was a little harder to explore. In contrast to Callao, Roc is a “living” cave, which means that stalactites and stalagmites are still being actively formed by the action of water in the cave system. There were no huge open caverns at Roc; instead, we literally had to squeeze through narrow passageways and crawl on our bellies beneath low-hanging formations. Taken together, the two caves provided not only a good caving experience, but also excellent settings for lectures on geology and cave conservation.

Out of the darkness and into the light, we walked back to the registration area where we boarded motorized bancas and headed upriver on the Pinacanauan. Minutes later, we were seated comfortably under a large tent set on the riverbank. A feast of grilled pork, chicken, and fish, a delicious local vegetable dish, ripe bananas, and ice-cold sodas lay before us.

After lunch and a short lesson on kayaking, we again headed upriver on the bancas. We went as far as we could given the time constraints – the further we went the more of the river we could traverse on kayak. Two and a half hours later, Anton decided that the spot would be perfect for our next wild ride.

There was something daunting about the concept of being in individual boats, paddling on our own. The kayaks were much lower in the water than the rafts, and gave a different feel of the water. The rapids at Pinacanauan, though actually milder than those at the Chico, seemed much faster and scarier. The rocks seemed bigger and more treacherous. But of course, all that just made the experience more thrilling.

This time, most of the group had a taste of falling into the water and getting swept away by the current. No worries though as there were more than enough guides on hand to make sure no major accidents occurred. Actually, falling in was really part of the fun, bruised egos notwithstanding.

About two hours later, the adventure regrettably came to an end. We parked our kayaks, and relinquished our paddles, helmets and vests for the last time. The sun was just about to set, and the short boat ride back to the docking area gave us one last chance to look around and take in the magnificence of our surroundings. Out there where the Pinacanauan winds along the foothills of the Sierra Madre, the scene was more strikingly beautiful than I had anticipated. It was truly overwhelming.

We boarded the bus at 7:45 that same evening. Tucked in my mental photo album (and in the digital memory of my companions’ cameras) were images that would not soon be forgotten: friends struggling to paddle only to gamely fall into white churning waters; tables filled with gastronomic delights; our host Anton patiently sharing stories of his beloved Cagayan. But my favorite image of all was one where small, colorful boats were flowing with, and not against, the rhythm of a mighty river, against a backdrop of formidable rock and infinite sky.

What was the only drawback to the entire experience? That it came to an end, that’s what.

For information and bookings, contact Adventures & Expeditions Philippines Inc. thru Anton Carag 0917-5327480; (078)8441298 (Tuguegarao) ; aepi@cagayan.net ; whitewater1ph@yahoo.com ; or Didi Camara 0917-7630634; (02)8725478 (Manila); sunsea@edsamail.com.ph ; or check out www.whitewater.ph

We took the trip August 2004 and this was published in the November 2004 issue of Citiguide magazine. Photo credits go to my happy paddling buddies.

The night you left for Coron,

You gave me a present —

A dreamcatcher.

So, you said, the nightmares would stop.

You made it yourself, you said,

And as I turned it over in my hands

I wondered,

How many hours you must have spent

Tying these knots,

Weaving bead and string.

Beautiful, this agimat, meant to trap the monsters in my head

Like flies in a spider’s web.

But the monsters in my head

Are not the supernatural kind.

They will not be stopped

With a stake through the heart,

Nor a silver bullet

Nor salt and garlic,

Nor holy water or a blessed crucifix.

At least not like flies in a spider’s web.

So in Coron, dream of me,

That my heart may be quiet,

If only in your dreams.

- Written ages ago for an old friend who walked the streets of Puerto Princesa and whom the kids called "JC."